


everything is so silent.

by Marcsenjar



Category: Wynonna Earp - Fandom
Genre: 3x05 spoilers (kind of), Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, F/F, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, One Shot, Suicide, Tissue Warning, this shit hurted, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 10:23:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15727470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marcsenjar/pseuds/Marcsenjar
Summary: "May our angel soar higher than the heavens."Alternate ending of 3x05, if Waverly never found her self-worth and did what Jolene asked her to do: kill herself.





	everything is so silent.

Waverly whimpered as the sharp object pierced her sternum, her blood vessels, her lungs, and right through her heart.

 

Final tears poured from her eyes and the last thing she saw was Jolene's wide grin. Not Jeremy, not Dolls, not Doc, not mama, not Nicole, not even Wynonna. She committed suicide right beside the demon who's hated her throughout her whole life.

 

Jolene was right. Waverly Earp was never loved by anyone, and never will be. Those hateful words and actions executed by her chosen family dug into her chest deeper than the kitchen knife. 

 

She felt herself bleeding out. Waverly thought back to the times where she did feel happy. From celebrating with Dolls and Wynonna after putting some revenant down, to enjoying pancakes during brunch with the gang (photo evidence by Dolls), to all of the times she felt with Nicole. At the time it seemed as if people did care about her... or did they?

 

Waverly pissed Wynonna and Mama greatly. She had it coming, the rest of the Earps hating her. Her father is a demon, now so was she. No wonder Willa and Daddy always scorched her with loathing, they tried to cleanse the Earp name of everything it wasn't: tainted. Waverly never felt like apart of the family, anyway. It wasn't until Jolene showed up that Waverly realized that she doesn't belong anywhere.  _Anywhere, nowhere, anywhere, nowhere._  The words repeated in her head.

 

She broke Wynonna's trust by not telling her about Doc's secret wife. Even though it was Jolene who spilled it, the pin was still on Waverly. They were right, everything was her fault. She not only ruined Doc and Wynonna's relationship but also her own.

 

Nicole. About her, the most recent thing Waverly could recall was getting into the ugliest fight with her. Waverly's heart wrenched as she witnessed her significant other lashing out at her, telling her that she's always the last person on Waverly's mind and never giving a living  _shit_  about her. She should've done better. 

 

She screwed up everything, and there's no going back. There wasn't going back anyway, the knife was well felted into her chest. Her last memories and she fucked everything up.  _Everything, everything, everything._  Waverly's mind ran back and forth with these thoughts in high speed like kinetic energy. _Anywhere. Nowhere. Everything. Jeremy. Dolls. Doc. Willa. Mama. Nicole. Wynonna._ They bounced off the walls and ran in her head until... they didn't.

 

Waverly's breath hitched, muscles softened, and her eyes rested downwards. She's gone.

 

"So long, angel." Jolene mocked, following her comment with a sinister laugh. 

 

The garden door suddenly busted open and Wynonna rolled in peacemaker. Jolene stood up from her crouch and Wynonna aimed the gun at the demon. As she cocked the gun, she noticed a figure in the corner of her eye.

 

That figure behind Jolene made out to be leaning against a pole, a woman, her baby sister, a pool of blood surrounding her. _I'm too fucking late._  Wynonna couldn't help but think of the worst, and her eyes started tearing up.

 

"Look at what your sister did, Wyn." Jolene greeted her with a smile. "It's a shame that she has no self-worth. She had no other option but to take her own life."

 

Wynonna stared at Jolene with disbelief. Of course, she loves Waverly. She's the best person in the whole wide world to her, who the fuck is Joelene to think otherwise?

 

"Ward and Willa didn't love her, neither did Nicole." Jolene continued. "Not even you-"

 

Wynonna shot Jolene. Again and again and again. In a feat of anger, she couldn't stop shooting the demon that took her sister away. Jolene took four hits to the chest and abdomen, surprised by what just happened.

 

"You fucking bitch," Wynonna muttered harshly and shot her one more time before advancing towards Waverly. She let Jolene stumble past her and immediately got on her knees to aid the bleeding woman on the ground.

 

"Waverly? Waves! Hey, hey." She tried to sit up and recognized those glassy eyes. They were the eyes of an unresponsive being, and Wynonna was right.  _She was too late._ Tears filled her eyes and Wynonna yanked the knife out of her chest before cradling Waverly. 

 

"Waverly, please. Please, please, please don't-" Wynonna burst into loud cries, still not believing entirely that she had just lost another loved one. She observed the lifeless body in her arms, and Wynonna had no one to blame but herself. Waverly was everything to Wynonna, and she didn't tell her that enough. She never tells anyone anything  _enough_. She couldn't bring Dolls back to life, and neither can she do the same with Waverly. 

 

Another loss, but this one felt like a ripped out heart to Wynonna. She stroked that luscious mane of her sister's and cried hard.

 

Mama Earp ran in and took the scene in. Her eldest daughter comforting and crying beside her youngest, who appeared... dead. Mama ran right to the couple and crouched down. 

 

"I... I got rid of Jolene and exorcised her but... what the hell happened?" Mama said, shooting her vision towards the gush in Waverly's sternum. "Waverly..."

 

"S-she's g-gone, Mama." Wynonna stammered, hiccupping through her sobs.

 

Mama's jaw dropped and felt herself tearing up. She sat with Wynonna and huddled around Waverly, her weeps getting louder and louder. 

 

"I called her my half-sister," Wynonna said. "Why did I do it? It was so fucking stupid of me and now she's just lying here-" She broke off her own sentence with more cries. "It's all my fucking fault!"

 

"Wynonna, please." Mama comforted. "It was all of our fault's. We weren't here in time." 

 

"I drove my most favorite person in the world to suicide." Wynonna trailed her finger across Waverly's face. "First Dolls, next... why is she lying here!?" Her yells reached outside the garden. Wynonna rested her forehead on Waverly's head and wailed. Mama was on the other side and brought her arm around Wynonna and Waverly, crying as much as the eldest Earp.

 

A few minutes passed by before Nicole and Doc entered the garden in haste. Wynonna looked up to see Nicole's face turn from worry to sadness. She hasn't even thought of Nicole, Waverly's lover. If there was another person who loved Waverly as much as Wynonna did it'd be Nicole. Poor Nicole, poor officer Haught. 

 

"Nicole," Wynonna warned with her eyes all puffy.

 

Nicole's eyes landed on Waverly and figured out instantly what had happened. "Waverly...?" She took a step forward and observed her girlfriend on leaning against the pole, lifeless and dried blood on the hands of Wynonna and Mama Earp's.

 

Wynonna and Mama stood up and Nicole took Wynonna's spot, sitting beside's Waverly and cradling her in her arms. The waterworks started in Nicole and she wept softly. 

 

Wynonna pulled Doc in for a hug while Mama Earp stood aside of them. Doc comforted Wynonna while seeing officer Haught tending to a deceased Waverly. He cried along with Wynonna and hugged her tight.

 

"Waves, no..." Nicole's cried were quieter than the other two, yet it still hurt her the same. Alike Wynonna, Nicole had said sour things to Waverly the last time they encountered with each other. It didn't feel fair to Nicole that that was their last conversation before she found Waverly dead. 

 

 _Dead_. Nicole thought. There's no turning back from that. The fact that Nicole made the impression that she hated Waverly only made the redhead loathe herself, now more than ever. 

 

"I'm sorry, baby. I am so, so sorry." Even though her words had no effect on Waverly now, Nicole still owed her an apology. What ached Nicole, however, was knowing that Waverly could never hear that apology, let alone accept her girlfriend's love again. She couldn't do anything with Waverly again, and that butchered Nicole the greatest.

 

Nicole swayed with Waverly back and forth as she buried her face in Waverly's neck, crying against the soft skin of her lover. She hugged Waverly tight because she couldn't before. She argued and treated her as if she didn't matter... for what? For a simple incident at Shorty's? For an irrelevant secret Waverly kept from Nicole about Mama Earp? 

 

Fury boiled within Nicole for doing those things that Waverly didn't deserve. Because of her selfishness, she lost the only thing that kept her sane, and Nicole could  _never_  forgive herself for that.

 

 

-

 

 

It's been two weeks and Nicole had an accumulated number of 7 hours of sleep. In other words, she didn't get much sleep. Neither did Wynonna or Doc, the duo has been training nonstop throughout most nights, taking short naps in the middle of the day. If Dolls' death didn't affect them enough, Waverly's sure did spark a fire within everyone else. 

 

Nicole couldn't bring herself to get out of bed for the first few days after Waverly's death. She huddled herself in the blankets on Waverly's bed, trying to grasp at the last smells or whatever distinct thing that reminded her of Waverly. Everything was still inside the room, from clothes to jewelry, except for the brunette herself. The bed felt wider to Nicole and she's lonelier than ever. 

 

The only time where she ate or drank was when either Doc or Wynonna brought a tray for Nicole after a night of training. She appreciated Wynonna for letting her stay in the homestead even though she has a place of her own. Even if they weren't in the same room it felt okay for Nicole that she wasn't alone in the homestead. She knew that Wynonna didn't want to be alone, as well.

 

Nedley was taking care of her cat, and Nicole let herself go into a void of depression. At least she was surrounded by the objects that belonged to the person who truly made her happy.

 

When Jeremy found out, he isolated himself within the BBD office. Whenever Doc or Wynonna entered the office they were never acknowledged by Jeremy since he acted like he was so involved in his work. 

 

One day Doc stopped by the office and shook his head when he saw Jeremy sitting on his desk. He was in the same position, wearing the same clothes, and had his signature headphones on. 

 

In an attempt to talk to Jeremy for the first time in weeks, Doc walked over to Jeremy and swiped his headphones off his head.

 

"Ah!" Jeremy looked up swiftly and yelled in irritation, only to see Doc above him. "Doc." He stated and avoided eye contact with the man. "What do you want?"

 

"I was just seeing how you were holding up, Jeremy," Doc said, and he meant it. He really did want to check up on everyone affected by... the tragedy. He and Wynonna let out their anger and sorrows through training while officer Haught wasn't doing anything at all. 

 

"I'm- I'm fine, I guess," Jeremy answered, then regretting his response. "Actually, no. I'm not fine at all. Everything sucks and I don't have the will to do anything else but work."

 

"And how's that work going for you?" Doc asked.

 

"The same. I guess I'm just trying to get my mind on things other than... Waverly." Jeremy winced as he thought about the woman again. She was a fantastic friend to Jeremy, probably the only one who genuinely like him. Waverly was everyone's everything. What is she now? A body inside the morgue.

 

"We all miss her." Doc tried to sympathize with him.

 

There was a pause until Jeremy grabbed his headphones and held it up to Doc. "You know why I always have these headphones on?" Jeremy questioned. Doc, who has a low IQ on how technology works, shook his head.

 

"It's because I spend most of my days in here alone, and without Waverly to fill the room with her talking, it's-" He took a deep sigh before finishing his sentence. "It's so quiet in here, and I don't like the silence at all." His own realization made Jeremy tear up a little. Sure, he only knew Waverly for a few months, but the impact hasn't hit him this hard until now.

 

"I know, Jeremy. I know." Doc rubbed Jeremy's back. "She was our sanity, our sun, all of the things that kept us on our feet." The thought of the young Earp brought little tears to Doc's eyes.

 

"What is she now?" Jeremy knew the answer to that one.

 

"A memory."

 

 

-

 

 

Christmas. Waverly Earp's funeral happened to fall on the holiday. As much as it snowed the cold was bearable enough for people to gather around for such a melancholy event.

 

It was a small funeral. Only the main people in Waverly's life and some people in Purgatory showed up. Mama Earp joined them through furlough accounted by the new mental facility she's a patient of.

 

It took a lot out of Nicole to finally get out of the house only to attend the funeral, which was right outside the homestead. Even so, Nicole got the outside air she needed. They had about ten minutes before the ceremony started, everyone took their seats in the snow while Nicole sat down on the steps of the porch. 

 

Her elbows were on her knees and she rested her chin on her hands, thinking more about her lover that passed. Nicole was over the crying since she had no more tears left to cry.

 

All she had left was the emptiness and memories of Waverly, especially that godforsaken memory of Nicole yelling at Waverly for the last time. She replayed the bit over and over again, each time making Nicole want to drive herself into the freezing lake. 

 

Though she had thoughts of leaving the Earth herself, she knows that she can't. She can't leave for a number of reasons, one being for Wynonna and the rest of the gang. They can't lose another in the family, so now she's living for the sake of Wynonna, Jeremy, and Doc.

 

A really big reason, however, was for Waverly. Waverly would never want Nicole to die over her own death. They had the talk before, after Dolls' departure. They explicitly told each other that if either of them goes, the other one  _has_  to stay alive for them, move on for them. Nicole owed Waverly that, yet the pain was excruciating.

 

The stairs creaked and Nicole looked to her side, seeing Wynonna sit down next to her. 

 

"Haught." Wynonna welcomed.

 

"Wynonna." Nicole addressed back.

 

Wynonna sighed and saw her breath in the cold air. "Do you think you can handle this?" Despite the funeral being her own sister's, Wynonna had concerns for Nicole breaking down all over again.

 

"I'm not gonna miss my girlfriend's funeral." Haught shot back grimly. She realized how much she snapped on Wynonna and felt bad immediately. "Sorry." She muttered.

 

"Don't worry about it." Wynonna looked at the people seated in the distance. "Can I ask you a question?"

 

The redhead nodded a little.

 

"Will you speak at the funeral? Besides me and Mama, it'd be nice if you could have a say."

 

The eyes of Nicole watered and her lips trembled. "It hurts enough just thinking about her. I don't think that I can talk about her in front of everyone. It'd kill me even more." 

 

Wynonna patted the hurting woman's back. "I understand." 

 

Silence passed before Nicole spoke again. "I was thinking about proposing."

 

The statement was enough shock value for Wynonna to glance at Nicole. "What?" She asked.

 

"I... I had been thinking about it for a long time since the day you killed the widows." Nicole explained. "We got matching promise rings but... that didn't feel satisfying for me. I even remember searching up the cost of engagement rings online." Nicole scoffed. It was a small scoff but it was the most she's laughed in weeks. "I was gonna take her to the ocean, propose to her right on the shoreline, waves crashing against our ankles." The more Nicole fantasized about it the more she wanted to burst into tears. "But there's nothing I can do about it now, it's too late." Nicole felt a chill as tears rolled down her cheek. "God, I miss her, Wynonna."

 

Wynonna scooted and brought Nicole in for a side hug, letting the redhead cry on her shoulder. "She didn't see the ocean, Wynonna! She'll never be able to see anything again!" Nicole sobbed through the black clothing.

 

"I know, Haught. But we keep fighting." She tried to fight against her own tears. "We keep living, for her. And that's enough." 

 

Nicole sniffled and rubbed her eyes. "Agh, thank you." She tried to compose herself before the priest called everyone to sit down.

 

When they got to the grave, everyone was sitting down. Wynonna and Nicole parted ways as Wynonna took a seat in the front with her mother while Nicole took a chair in the very back. She couldn't handle being so close to Waverly's body, or else she'd break down again. 

 

"We are gathered here today in memory of Waverly Earp." The priest started. "She was a woman of many talents and brought joy to everyone in Purgatory." 

 

 _Damn right she did._  Wynonna thought.

 

"Even though she is no longer with us she still lives within our spirits." 

 

Nicole zoned out of the priest's speech and thought more of Waverly. She tried to trace things back to the woman. Her smile, her smell, the quirky things that made up her personality. Nicole loved every bit of Waverly Earp, yet she didn't tell her that enough for Waverly to  _know_  that she loved her. 

 

She should've told Waverly that she loved her, every  _single_  day that they were together. Even if it got repetitive if it made Waverly want to shut Nicole's mouth out of corniness- any of that was better than Nicole attending her funeral. Nothing Nicole did was enough, and the consequences out of that gutted her alive.

 

If it was the other way around, Nicole would've wanted Waverly to move on, and she probably could have if she took her place in that grave. If Waverly could see how Nicole's dealing with her death, she'd see a broken, self-deprecating woman. 

 

Would Waverly want to see that of Nicole? Of course not. That's why Nicole needs to pull herself together and move on, celebrate Waverly rather than mourning her until the day she dies. Until she can stop crying, Nicole needed all the time in the world in order for her to move on. It was going to take a lot, but deep down Nicole knows that she can get past this.

 

And that was the hope Nicole needed. Knowing that Waverly would've wanted Nicole to be happy no matter what made her feel better.

 

"May our condolences be with the Earp family, and may our angel soar higher than the heavens."

 

Nicole looked over to the homestead again, and she swears to god that she saw Waverly Earp, or the ghost of her, smiling at her from her front porch.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you know that my motivation was to make any of you cry. If I did, I deserve a cookie. 
> 
> No, but I did want to write about the 'what ifs' in 3x05, and I hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> And aren't y'all glad that this didn't actually happen? Our lovely Waverly Earp is still alive and breathing hallelujah.
> 
> Leave some comments if you'd like, any feedback is appreciated <4


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